Anger Hurts

I have a temper. I know I have a temper. I try so so so hard to keep it under control but sometimes it escapes me.

I grew up with my parents always fighting. I thought that was a normal relationship, but apparently its not. Too late, every relationship I ever have ends with me fighting with them because I grew up learning it was ok to fight with someone you love. So whenever I feel I love someone I am in a relationship with, I start to fight. And very rarely is it of something of importance.

I suppose another reason why I fight with people who I feel I might love is because I am afraid.. It is hard for me to trust anyone, and I do mean anyone. It hurts to know I can't trust them. I argue with them because I push them away, I push them away because I don't want to lose them. Confused? Me too. I am afraid of getting attached to people because I have never had anyone stay in my life.. (Ok I have had a few people but I consider them sisters so they are required to stay in my life so they don't count in this.) I'd rather be the reason why someone leaves me than someone not giving a reason, that happens much too often.

I don't know the exact reason why I argue. I don't know exactly why I have to fight. But I do know that I wish I don't. I know that it hurts so much every time I fight. And I hate to hurt.