A Healthy Small

What is healthy? According to a women's health doctor (or nurse, I can't remember) I am on the far end of the appropriate weight range for someone of my height. I am 5 foot 1 and 1/2 inches. According to the Doctor/Nurse for my height I should be from 103-130. At the time I was 126lbs and at a 24 BMI. BMI (Body mass index) is horrible to try to base your life around. I was at the high end of the spectrum according to the Doctor/Nurse and should try to drop down to 115 to be good, but aim for 110-105. Especially considering I got a shot and one of the more common side effects was weight gain, she told me to keep an eye on my weight because if I gained more weight then I could be considered over weight.

Quite honestly I never considered myself a skinny person. I have however considered myself short... I also consider myself curvy! (Hey, I have hips and a waist, no shame in admitting it) Others have called me small, and by small they think both short and skinny. I feel that people misuse the word small. Small does not mean skinny, it is a matter of height not width.

Anyway I went in to UHS for my ear problem (see last post) and right away they they weigh me and take my height; I was 117lbs! In 5 short weeks I had lost almost 10 lbs! My BMI dropped to 21, and I was getting close to where the Doctor said I should be.

Part of me is proud that I did nothing serious but changed my diet a little bit and lost that much weight, but part of me feels like if I get to where the Doctor said I should be, I'll lose what makes me me. I'll lose my waist, and I'll lose my hips. My curves are what make me distinctive, but at the same time they make me look at all the girls around me and compare myself to them. I always said if I was taller I would be skinnier, because the longer the bone the more there is for the fat to stretch out, hence the skinnier girls who weigh just as much as I do.

I hate thinking about my weight, because people do tell me that I am small, but like I said before: small is a matter of height not width. So I can never tell if when they mean small they mean short or skinny. I can never tell if they are telling me I am beautiful, or just stating the obvious (that I am short). I don't like thinking this way. And yet I do.