I know it has been a while. But I have been avoiding my emotions for quite some time.
This summer something happened to me. Something that needed to get the law involved. I don't want to go into what happened... But it really killed part of who I am.
Since then I have gained 10 pounds. Most people would think that's not a big deal, but it's big enough to make a difference to my confidence. That and now I can not fit into ANY of my pants that I need to fit into. Yoga pants, yes they fit, sports shorts, yes they fit. But I can't wear those forever. I need to work in pants, and the weather is getting colder. Yes I could just go out and buy more pants, but then I will feel horrible about the fact that now I have to spend 60$ on 3 pairs of jeans. That's almost half the money I have been saving in tips from my job. How long can I go before I have to tell my parents I need new pants because I have officially gotten too fat (no phat) to fit into my jeans? This is not cool. And it makes me feel like crap.
I wonder how long it will take before someone notices that I don't wear jeans unless its forcing my ass into them for work? How long will it take for me to actually do something about this? I don't mean a crash diet or anything, but I wonder what I am going to do to make this go away.
I'm going to stop making a pity party and try to figure out what I should do with my life..