It hurts. It hurts so much. I have not felt this way for two plus years. I just cried for almost a hour, and sat in my shower with freezing cold water running on me thinking of all the ways I could kill myself right there and then. Razor, drinking the shampoo, hitting my head hard enough. Then I got more creative, what could I do when I got out. Drinking myself to death, car crash (on my moped or running into traffic), or jumping out of my window. It hurt me so much that hurting myself, killing myself, ending everything was all I could think of.
I don't want to be that girl again, then one who wears long sleeves all year, the one who never ate or slept. It hurts me that with how far forward I came I started slipping back.
I don't want to hurt myself again, I don't want to be in this place anymore. I need help, but I don't think any of my friends, or who I think are friends, would want to help, or could help.
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