The End of Him

He chose her.. He chose her. Those words are ringing through my head, echoing and shouting; whispering and singing. Mocking me, over and over.

I wasn't good enough.. I will never be good enough.

He met her first and loved her, they fought and broke up, then he met me... He said he loved me. He said that from the beginning. I didn't know about her. Or I did, but I didn't think she would ever come back. He promised her a year ago before we had met that he would move in with her. Then they got in a big fight and he broke up with her.. Then he met me. He promised me so many things, he said he would always be there for me. He said he loved me..

Then she came back. She said it was a mistake. She said she wanted him to move in with her still. He was conflicted. He went back and fourth for weeks, why should I stay with Abi why should I stay with her...

He chose me. He chose me first. He spoke to me as if nothing changed, as if she never came back. We were fine for a while and I was so happy that he chose me.. But apparently he told his parents. He told his parents about how he chose me. He told them, and the responded he should live with her. He promised her that he would live with her so he should keep his promise. She told him the same thing.. And he reconsidered..

He didn't talk to me for days. In my heart I was confident that we were fine and the subject was dropped.. But my mind kept saying there is a reason why he won't talk to you. I asked him if he was going to make a decision, call me and tell me, don't text me. A day later after I told him that he texted me, basically saying how he was persuaded by them not to chose me.. I called him right away, it was 12:37 in the morning. I begged him not to do this. I argued my case again and again and again, telling him how he chose me, but they made him chose her. He convinced himself that they were right. Now is not a good time for him and me. Maybe in the future when things are better we could try again.

I begged him for over an hour not to do this, not to leave me. He kept saying he's not leaving me, we are still friends and can still talk. I can't just wait around for him.. I love him, and I have tried not to, I have tried so hard not to fall in love with him.. How can he not see how much he just killed me?

It's been two hours since I started crying, and I just can't seem to stop. I can't stop shaking, I can't stop feeling hollow inside. There isn't anything holding me here anymore, so why should I stay? He was the one thing that could always make me smile, the one thing that would always make me feel better. And he chose her..


I guess he never really loved me.